The guest list is probably the most daunting task of your wedding. Even if you have an unlimited budget or resources, chances are you still aren’t going to be able to please everyone. The first thing to remember is, this is YOUR wedding as a couple. Ultimately whoever will be there will affect you and your everlasting memory of this day. So before you say “I do,” be sure to say “I can” invite whomever I want!

Choose Your Wedding Venue

Book your dream wedding venue first to make sure it is the one that is right for you. Don’t let your list dictate where you have to get married. If your wedding venue is capped at 20, 50, or even 100, this will help you to make the cuts. Sometimes you are able to use the excuse for the limited amount of guests that the venue allows. Even if your venue allows large weddings, you may still want a small intimate one. If this is the case, cap yourselves at a set number. Similar to an elopement or a microwedding, guests need to understand that this is only for the very closest of friends and family.

Children As Wedding Guests

Some couples simply can't imagine the wedding without children, while other couples just don't want them. Those on a budget may not want to worry about providing child-friendly food, or keeping kids entertained. For these couples, removing children from the wedding guest list is the best way to maintain the integrity of the wedding. Keeping the list of wedding guests children-free is both an easy way to keep the guest list small and to keep the budget low. Many people ask, “do children count as a guest?” The answer is “yes they do”. In fact, their energetic spirit can be a huge focal point of the wedding. Even though they may be smaller than the rest, their presence is large. Be sure to make it clear on your invitation or website so everyone knows that they are not being singled out. You can offer a daycare service as a polite alternative. Especially if there are a lot of guests with kids and most of their grandparents (who are their usual babysitters) may be attending the wedding too. If you are considering eliminating children from your wedding guest list, remember that your choice is a personal one so people should understand this.

Make categories into tiers

Looking at a long list of people and deciding who to cut can be overwhelming. Try putting your guests into categories. Closest friends, acquaintances, closest family members, extended family, kids, co workers, family friends and so on. Put theses categories from most important to least important and start cutting people from the bottom. Some people fit into two categories so you may want to put them in the higher category since they are important enough to be in two of them.You may want to hold off sending invites to your co workers if you may be changing jobs. It could be awkward having your old boss and co-workers come to your wedding. Send your invitations in waves with the highest tier first. As you get RSVP’s you can then go to the next tier. If your 3rd cousin and their 4 children are not invited, they may be more understanding when they find out that your other 3rd cousin and new boyfriend are not invited. As human beings, we compare and notice these things and it’s understandable to not want to feel singled out.

One Year Rule

If you haven’t talked to a friend in over a year, you should consider not inviting them. Also, if you don’t foresee yourself being friends with these people in 5 years, that can be a factor. The pandemic has put a highlighter on who our true friends really are. Who are the people you just couldn’t go without talking to or seeing for more than a year?Who are the people that uplifted and supported you both as a couple? Do you ever think about how they are doing and have the urge to text or call? If the answer is “no” then you may want to cross them off the list. Wedding invites do not need to be reciprocal. Just because your co-worker invited you to their 400 person wedding, does not mean that you need to invite them to your intimate micro wedding of 20 people. Family members can be a bit tricky. You and your brother may have gotten into a falling out and have not talked for over a year. This does not mean that you shouldn’t invite him. This may be what brings you two together instead of farther apart. So be selective when using this rule.

Make sure you are the one making the list

Parents have great intentions and even though you are an adult, they may feel the need to help and take over. The problem is that they may not feel the same people who are important to you are the same to them. It can be a bit tricky if they are helping you pay for it. So set boundaries from the start before they start inviting all of their friends to your wedding. Keep the list to yourselves and tell everyone the list will be announced soon. Try not to ask for suggestions or thoughts that may influence you. You know yourselves the best and this will transfer to how you feel on your wedding day. All the adorning eyes on you should be from everyone who truly loves you and you them.

Having Vendors Double As Guests

In some cases, it is nice to have one of your friends or family members double as a vendor. For example, if your sister is a brilliant pianist or singer, she may play at the wedding. Just make sure it is only for a short period of time like the walk down the aisle so she can enjoy the rest of your wedding. Unless you need live music at your wedding, having a playlist on bluetooth speakers works just as well. It is recommended however to hire a professional officiant, photographer or videographer. These are all important vendors that you don’t want just anyone doing. If you ask your cousin who is an amateur photographer to take pics with his new camera, you may be sourly disappointed. Just tell him you don’t want him to work on your wedding day.

No one said wedding planning is easy and turning people away is not fun. You’ll always want a wedding planner to help you with the heavy lifting. However, when it comes to planning the list, you are the only ones who truly know in your heart who means the most to you.

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